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| quite an eventful day.
it was my Aunt Mary's birthday!
it was the END of EDU 761 (which could not make me and Cara any happier!)
it was the kick-off of the 2008 Summer Olympics!
outside with Jess and Cara
this is probably the only time I actually sat down and watched TV that night. I was beyond restless!
and at like 11 PM, Jess and I were like... "what?!? its ONLY 11?" ... it felt like it was 5 AM!
diesel fuel and rubbing alcohol. quite an interesting taste.
Julia recorded this video ... "The Aftermath", Tyler says.
roomies (some by default)
roomies. again.
Mich is an exception, at times. Sometimes I refer to her as a roommate.
Sometimes I tell people she just stores her stuff here and that she and
I pay rent to the same landlord. Mich doesn't always seem to
understand the concept of being "roommates"... kinda like her not
understanding the meaning of "dinner" in "Dinner Party". Smart girl, she is. But, sometimes... =)
michelle. mich. michy.
kinda fun making fun of her.
my BFF! (no sarcasm intended)
seriously... Cara and I have the SAME classes. the SAME job. the SAME bedroom.
amanda!
this was not a night for introverts. went outside to get away from
everyone. then everyone went outside. went inside to get away from
everyone who went outside. result what? everyone went inside. GRR!
"BFF" as in "Best Friends Forever" ... its not lame if you use it
as a verb :) "gosh, you BFF with <insert name here>" ... often
times, Tyler would say to Cara and me: "EDU Dept BFFs" *with an
exasperated sigh*
Cara is the NERDIEST NERD ever! =) she begins almost all her
sentences with: "I know I'm a nerd, but..." She gets excited over
office supplies! Granted, she's my favorite nerd!
rachelle ... (dudette, you have my frisbee! i've been lost without it!)
THE Amelias! =)
i dunno.
08.09.08
today was a day of learning.
Cara, Tyler, and I had written an IEP goal for Riley.
"Given a piece of cheese, Riley will swim in the shallow end side of the pool as observed three out of four times."
if a dog's owner tells you that the dog does not like to swim. you
should listen to her. otherwise, you will end up with bruises and
scratches on your leg.
and.
cheese as a bribe does not work well in a pool.
 i am SO good at being a third wheel. have you noticed that its been the summer theme for me? | | |
| "If you really want her to stick around, don't ever let her feel unimportant."
- from some random postsecret blog | | |
| Anthony's back home. Every single time I hang out with Anthony, my mind wanders off to various things and I always have this urge to write something. Sometimes I post it, sometimes I know I would get attacked for stating my opinion, and sometimes its just too personal to share. It just seems like every time we talk, we are slowly putting together the pieces of our identities. As lame as that may be, it is so very true. Its all part of my process in this quarter-life crisis I'm having! =)
Growing up, Anthony and I fought like cats and dogs. Sometimes we disagree on something just so we could argue with each other. He and I are so different from each other in so many ways, but we are also so very alike. No one relates to me as well as he does. And I think a large part of it is because of our upbringing. He and I grew up in a public school all on our own. We rode the same school bus. He was all I had at school. And I was all he had. We had interpreters. notetakers. the whole PL-142 / Least Restrictive Environment shebang.
and so I shared with Anthony today over dinner that I had just learned this past summer from mom that dad was really very upset when he learned that I was hard of hearing when I was born. he wanted my hearing loss to be defined. to be black or white. to be one or the other. for me to be either deaf or hearing. and I didn't quite understand that at the time. but then mom reminded me about what it was like for dad growing up in the 1970s. being in a public school all on his own without an interpreter... "you can hear and speak, so you're fine on your own" kinda attitude. and dad didn't want me going through the same struggles he did.
and Anthony was just as surprised as I was to learn about this, too. but, after we talked about it, we do understand why dad reacted the way he did. and Anthony really hit the nail today when he said that "its like we can taste it, but we can't have it".
I had friends in school. and I was able to socialize with them in small groups. And I always felt like I was capable of holding my own with them. But whenever we went to lunch, or went to a place that was loud, I was always lost. And it felt like I was put back into my place. And Anthony said that experience is still very much the same today. He met a girl he was attracted to and he was capable of having a conversation with her alone outside. so, they decided to move inside and go to a bar. but when they got there, it was a completely different story. he couldn't hear or understand her. and so that attraction was over just like that.
Its a bitter taste. no doubt. and so would we rather have one or the other? we don't know yet, still. but, hands-down, we can say its hard to be in-between.
Growing up, I was set on being an orthopedic. I was actually very serious about it. I was grounded for an entire summer after I came home with a report card full of Ds ... (you know, dad, I finally read your "Raising Deaf Children in Hearing Society" article, and you wrote that you realized later that I was being pulled out of English class for Speech Therapy and how that really affected my grades ... so, I'm thinking that its kinda like I was grounded that entire summer for nothing, eh? Your parenting skills are questionable. :) Feel free to apologize and buy me a Barbie doll to make-up for depriving me of my childhood that summer! And you can BET this is so going into my book! ha, ily)
anyway. that summer my parents bought me this skeletal set where I had to glue bones together... I had every single bone memorized and I could identify and state each bone in both their Latin and common names... We had an old set of encyclopedias at home and I actually read through them. I wrote reports just for fun. I had glasses. braces. and hearing aids. the whole works. so, yeah, not only was I a nerd, I actually looked like one. (Cara and Tyler, don't even...)
and so Fall came and I started middle school. I met with the school's guidance counselor one day. she was an old woman who wore her glasses on a chain. short. petite. slouched like a witch, with the same frazzled hair but without the moles. her name was Ms. Nightingale. I remember sitting there in her office one afternoon and she asked me the million-dollar question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"an orthopedic", I answered. without hesitation.
She laughed at me. Then she gave me this look. as if she felt sorry for me. "oh honey, you know you can't be a doctor." But, I didn't get why. And I'm big on questions. So I asked why not. "You're deaf. How will you be able to hear the nurses? The machines?" Then she gave me a hypothetical situation and had asked me what I would do. "Imagine you're in surgery and you are all wearing surgical masks. How will you be able to lip-read?" She went on and on.
I sat there and I watched her tell me what I could not do through my interpreter. I had actually bought into every single word she said. and so that was the end of my dream of being an orthopedic. I tell people its because I cannot stand needles. blood. hospitals. which is true anyway. but still.
I am probably the most passive-aggressive person ever. I came to Gallaudet at 17 and I did not want to major in Education. I wanted to be different from my family. But the more I learn about myself the past few months, the more I realize that it is also because I didn't want to do what it seems like "every other deaf person" does. Sometimes I think being a teacher is the easy way out. Its quite predictable. No one seems to be surprised when you tell them you're going to be a teacher. kinda like meeting a CODA and then learning she's an interpreter. such a shocker!
I wanted to be different. And I still do. I wanted to prove to Ms. Nightingale that I could function and hold my own in this so-called, "real world"... And I still do.
but like dad wrote, "What is this 'real world'? Whose world is it? By whose standards? Who should define 'real world' if such a definition is needed?"
Often times, we refer to the "real world" as the "world out there"... "there" is where all the "hearing people" are.
but, I am slowly realizing every day that not everyone can teach. Teaching is hard work. And it is a profession that requires skill. I don't intend to teach for the rest of my life in a classroom. I have plans. But, after that meeting with Ms. Nightingale, I have learned that its best to keep your plans to yourself.
I had this "idea" five years ago. it was just an "idea" and I was way over it. I have an attention span of a gnat. I change interests as often as I change my underwear. But, the past few days, Anthony has been reminding me about that idea and has been telling me to pursue it. Anthony is always so damn persistent when it comes to achievement. He is always trying to be one step ahead of everyone else. He is always pushing. If I tell him I want to sing a song and record a gold-platinum album, he will help me write my lyrics. drag me to a recording studio. sing with me. find me an agent. and if no one buys my song, he will. and then he will look me in the eyes and genuinely say: "FUCK THEM. You know you can sing!"
so its kinda hard. to have a Ms. Nightingale on one side and an Anthony on the other.
but Anthony has always reminded me of what I can do. what I should do. has never let me think otherwise. and I love him for that. I know with him always pushing me, I'll be successful no matter what crazy idea I come up with.
I have never been one to dream, to seek adventure, or to even pursue opportunities. I have always been very careful with life and with my choices. I have always kept to myself. in fear that someone would tell me I couldn't do it. and in fear that I would fail and everyone else would know.
At one dinner, a family friend was telling me that I should coach basketball at Gallaudet someday. maybe. and then I can't remember how we got to that point, but he also said, "no matter how good of a coach you are, you'll never coach college basketball anywhere else."
And how is he any different from Ms. Nightingale? He's not and yet he is. But, he's right anyway. That's just the way the world works. maybe its the pessimist in me talking. or maybe its just me being realistic and accepting of this "real world". it swings either way, I think.
Although we may be able to sit in a classroom with an interpreter. go to the theater and watch a movie with closed-captions. the world is far more accessible now for us than it was back then. there's a "but..." and there's always going to be a "but..." and this is true no matter how many deaf militants we have. no matter how many laws we have that screams: "THE WORLD MUST BE ACCESSIBLE!!!!"
I am certain that where I am in life is where I should be. I believe that. Often times, I do wonder what could have been of me if I had chosen a different path. And that is true for so many decisions I have made. The only regret I have is that I let Ms. Nightingale define this "real world" for me. but its not like I could have defined this "real world" or could have known any different myself in middle school. so its not something I lose sleep over with at night.
and so, at this time, in the midst of my quarter-life crisis, I say the "real world" is what it is. Ms. Nightingale or Anthony. black or white. one or the other. and it is as simple and as complicated as that.
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| and so
I'm back in DC for summer school. not liking it, but what other choice do I have? Although I miss home, its good to be
back - just kinda want to finish out the year and get school over
with. last year was a really horrible year. and it
kinda finally feels like everything is okay again. everyone is okay. I'm
okay. so I'm really looking forward to this year. its the start of a new school year. its gonna be good. one way or another.
I finally finished my student-teaching internship on June 20th and I
just went straight *HOME* to INDIANA right after that. I had a really low-key
summer ... well, its low-key if you want to compare my summer adventures with my parents,
Anthony, and Jon's, that is ... Jon biked across America. Anthony's
currently in Europe traveling all by himself (I still think he's NUTS!
brave, but nuts!). My parents bought a new RV. They say its not a
midlife crisis purchase, just more of a "Why Wait?" kinda thing. Point
taken.
and so Jon finally came home ...  I'm
big on embarrassing people! :) Jon's flight came in after midnight...
so I made this poster and wanted to greet him at the gate. his flight
got in a lot earlier, so we ended up finding him at the baggage claim
instead. shucks. but he was like "please put the posters away! stop
it!" ha. people came up to him and were like *thumbs up* "COOL!" ...
"Good Job!" ... so, mission accomplished :) Before you make
fun of me, this is kinda pay-back. Jon often does this when he picks
people up at the airport. He would write stuff like "HEARING
IMPAIRED!" that kinda thing... so at least I'm nice with my posters! :)
 I missed his smile ... but nothing else! =)  interesting choice of baggage, eh? :)
so that night we went to Steak and Shake for milkshakes and whatever...
and Jon shared stories of his trip with us. Didn't sleep til around 4am that
night!
 so the next day, we went to Port Clinton, Ohio (near Sandusky - where Cedar Point is) and camped out for the long weekend before I went back to DC...  we
ate lunch at the Angry Trout restaurant... they're known for their
lobster bisque ... but, Jon and I both think the restaurant smells like
a nursing home (like pee, to be specific)... but the bisque was really
very, very good! :) 
while waiting for my Aunt Mary, Uncle Skippy, and Grandma to arrive, we
drove around town to kill time and to do some, um, "sightseeing"...
dad
grew up vacationing in this area with his family... so lots of "I
remember this. This used
to be a nice area. Wow. Wonder if it was the flood? Take a left here, I know where we are..." blah blah blah
:) clearly, mom and jon didn't find the area or dad's stories
fascinating :)
so now jon and I are obsessed with frisbees. we're actually pretty good at it, if I may say. sure, we had a couple of mishaps here and there. who would've thought a round piece of plastic could give me a blister on my finger and a sore chest! at one point, jon said to me, "GO FETCH!" and threw the frisbee over my head and right to the pond. grr. me fetch? RRRRIGHT!
my family ...
daddy and Uncle Skippy
my grandma... in charge of the smores =)
my Aunt Mary =)
I know I look like the devil in this picture... but me lolol because grandma said she didn't eat any thing but we found bits of a marshmallow on her face. Call what? BUSTED! =)
Jon is unbelievably ANNOYING at night. He wouldn't let me SLEEP! But, I'm more of a morning person than he is... so, I annoy him in the morning =)
now this picture was taken in the dark (my camera's actually pretty good, wow!). kinda felt like we were kids again... playing in the dark, etc. sad. jon somehow dropped the flashlight and wanted me to get it for him. Why would I want to do that? I heard mom walking over and I knew she would so YELL at us for waking them up (the RV is quite sensitive... if someone moves, the RV shakes) ... so, I did what any 8-year-old would do, I pretended to sleep =)
on the Jet Express Ferry from Port Clinton to Put-In Bay.
Put-In Bay was a really CUTE (endearing, adorable, sexy, whatever adjective you prefer) island. Everyone rented golf carts... the food was AMAZING! I had the best crab melt sandwich ever ...
Golf Cart-ing around =)
Jon showed us all his pictures of his trip... granny didn't appreciate all the pictures of his naked butt and some of him nearly naked... we had to remind her that she changed his diaper before! open-mindedness is a rarity these days, it seems...
pardon my dirty feet... seems like I'm just as rednecky as someone else is in terms of bathing =)
Granny can't see too far - so I was showing her Jon's pictures up close on his laptop -- its the teacher in me, I guess... accommodations are key ...
and so I came back to DC to them =)
I have to get off. Tyler is not capable of making kool-aid on his own. touchy. more later, i guess.
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